This argument against homeschooling is so dumb I would have ignored it altogether, except it keeps rearing its stupid head.
Let me give you an abbreviated version of a conversation I have had several times:
Me: Bob, I homeschool because I don’t want my children exposed to the drugs, sex and bullying that are so common in schools these days.
Bob: Well, you shouldn’t shelter your kids!
Me: What?! You don’t think kids should be sheltered from drugs, sex and bullying?!
Bob: No, kids need to be exposed to those things so that they learn how to handle them. If you shelter your children, when they grow up they will go crazy because they won’t know how to deal with those things.
Me: Well, thank you Bob for enlightening me. Perhaps, you should share your wisdom with the public schools because they all have zero tolerance policies for drugs, sex and bullying! Apparently, they are unaware of the added benefit that those “vices” offer. And as far as my kids growing up and going crazy because they never experienced drugs, sex and bullying, are you really suggesting that an eight-year-old is better suited to handle drugs, sex and bullying than an eighteen-year-old?
Bob: What are you saying, it’s good to shelter kids?
Me: Bob, what are you saying?! Are you saying that you send your children to school to experience drugs, sex and violence?! I believe it is a parent’s duty to shelter and educate our children until they are capable of protecting themselves.
Well, that is the gist of the conversation and argument that I keep running into. It is a frightening and ridiculous argument, but homeschooling parents should be warned that it is growing in popularity. I have not yet traced the rhetoric to its source, but something so foolish and yet so popular must have an originator – someone with an interest in perpetuating this foolishness.
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I completely agree — that’s one of the silliest reasons I’ve ever heard! However, some of us just cannot home school (I’m a single mom), so I do have to teach my son how to deal with things at school that I don’t like or agree with.
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Thanks for the comment Mary. I know it is hard to be a single mom, but I am sure that you will do great with your son!
Well to be blunt no one can ever truly shelter their kids. Only way to do that is to keep them under lock and key in a basement or something. Our job as parents is to do what is best for them by our own definition and to teach them how to handle any given situation to our best ability. By our families beliefs. Not every one elses. Whether it be through home school or public school. I don’t judge parents who send their kids off to public school, but I won’t put up with being slammed for not doing the same.
My son who is in first grade public school is repeating first grade in home school next year. My daughter will also be starting home school. And I am doing it because I want to…and they want to. We are all excited for it. There really is no argument for that. And if you take the time to create an argument for that then you have the issue…not me.
At the end of the day you have to be a role model for your kids and you have to give them the tools to deal. You do not have to send a kid to a public/charter/private school to do that.
When they mess up as an adult then it’s on them.
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Thanks for the great comment Melissa. Good luck with your homeschooling this year. I think you will love it!!!!
I often get the “You can’t protect your child forever!” Um, I know that, but if I can prevent a seven-year old from sex and drugs until he is a little older and has a better understanding, I will sure as hell try!
The reality is, children who are forced to deal with bullies on their own often never get over it and continue to feel inadequate and allow themselves to be bullied as adults (not all, but many.) Kids who grow up in a world where bullies are dealt with, who have someone advocating for them, who see appropriate behavior modeled on a regular basis, grow up knowing how to advocate for themselves. My grown (formerly homeschooled) kids are so startled by anyone’s attempt to bully them that they find it laughable–they don’t buy in to it at all. That is what happens when you protect children, quite the opposite of this distorted belief that exposing young children to the evils of the world better equips them to deal with them. What it is more likely to do is make them scared. (my kids are not drug users, either. Funny how growing up in an environment where no one is a drug user has led them to believe that is a pretty good way to continue living)
The most absurd argument about homeschooling I’ve had was, “Well, how is your son going to learn how to socialize with Hispanics?” (this is coming from a lady who sends her kids to a school where the minority percentage is less than 2% for ALL minorities combined.)
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And what about socializing with the Irish? The Hugarians? The Australians? The … what are you doing to make sure they learn how to socialize with those groups? 😉
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I hate this argument!
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I homeschool because my son has a severe peanut allergy. I get all kinds I ridiculous comments but my favorite is, “How do you expect him to learn how to deal with his allergy if he’s never exposed to those situations?” You mean the situations that will kill him? Well, there isn’t really a learning curve is there, so I’m not sure how exposing him to death will help him understand how to deal. If it sounds absurd to you, that because it is!! Why is it so important to others what families besides their own do? I don’t get it.
I just wanted to let you know that I added your post to my “Favorite Friday” list today. Every week I pick a few blog posts that I thought were awesome and share the links on my blog.
http://wifethenmama.blogspot.com/2013/06/strawberry-gleaning.html
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Most anti-homeschool arguments aren’t logical.
The most honest one is: “I don’t want to homeschool.”
I always thought it was peculiar that people would approach me with reasons I shouldn’t homeschool even though I never approached them with reasons they shouldn’t send their children to public school.
But I suppose the fact that I was homeschooling was my way of saying I didn’t want my children raised in public schools. It puts some people on the defensive, I think.
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UGH yes. Just say that you don’t want to do it! That’s okay. That’s honest. I keep hearing “I could never homeschool…” “I’m not patient enough.” or the super-spiritual “I don’t feel called to homeschool”. What it comes down to is if you want to do it or not, or if you feel like it’s best for your family. I don’t homeschool because I’m patient. Nobody is patient 100% of the time. But I do it because I think it’s the right thing for us right now.
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I think it is just important to be intentional about teaching your kids (at the right age/time) about what is “out there”. Not just relying on homeschooling them to always be their shelter.
I don’t think it is wrong to “shelter” kids, but when they are sheltered to the expense of teaching them how to respond when they are faced with things they’d never come across from the safety of home, that is where the problem comes in, and you have the kids “going crazy” when they turn 18 and are out on their own.
I was homeschooled and my parents relied totally on their “sheltering” to keep me safe. I ended up being abused and I had no idea that what was happening to me was wrong because I had been so sheltered. No one had taught me about safety & boundaries because they assumed I didn’t need to know yet because I was virtually always at home & “wasn’t around” any of that stuff..
I’ve shared a bit more about these thoughts here: http://www.beautythroughimperfection.com/2013/04/01/child-abuse/
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Being “sheltered” used to be a good thing. Parents are SUPPOSED to protect their children and their homes from the evils of the world. I cannot understand how in the world that became such a negative thing!
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Good grief! These are children and not puppies. You keep your puppies away from the road, right? Why not shelter your kids (who should be more precious to you than many puppies) from those things that can harm, sicken, maim, or kill them?
The stupidity of people is overwhelming sometimes! Perhaps I homeschool to keep my kids away from the stupidity that is overtaking our culture.
I homeschool my son who is almost 8 and going into the third grade. I am 65 years old, adopted Seth when he was born, and don’t believe that I will ever send him back to school. Schools are a breeding ground for bullying, negative attitude against God, drugs and sex. My son also has some problems with word retrivel and processing information in his studies.He also has a speech problem because of these things and has a form of forgetfulness ( you show him how to do something and when he goes to do the same thing again you have to show him again). None of this was picked up in public school; I picked up on his problems teaching him at home. Most of my questions are: How will he learn how to socialize if not in school? He does that by going to church two times a week, group activites with other home schoolers, and by interacting with people when we are out in public.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with sheltering children. My main reason for homeschooling is because I believe Christian children need Christian education and that everything we do should be for the glory of God.
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I love this post! Even Christians will say that their children need to be exposed to the world to get them used to it, when Romans 12:2 tells us that we should be UNUSED to the world… and they will say that having Christianity made more difficult for them is good practice, when Romans 12 tells us to THROW OFF everything that hinders. I for one have no hesitation in telling them they’re wrong!
I’m actually a homeschool graduate (graduated this year) and never ONCE wanted to go back to public school (I was in public school until the middle of 2nd grade). I never had trouble socializing, I was sheltered from the temptations and peer pressure of drugs, sex and alcohol. I was exempt from most forms of bullying, though I know from experience how to deal with it. I do not think I missed out on any life experiences, if anything, I got more! Here are a few of the things I was able to because of homeschooling (through homeschool groups or through flexible scheduling):
Rode a horse
Rode an elephant
Steered a boat
Written two novels
Written a movie screenplay
Had three poems published
Performed in eight plays (over five years)
Directed a play
Written a play script
Taken a Dave Ramsey financial course
Visited the Texas State Capitol (and stood on the only balcony on the capitol building)
Learned how to make friends of all ages, personalities and levels of learning.
Oh, and I haven’t turned 18 yet…needless to say, I feel very blessed to have been homeschooled!
The first three things I listed were done before I turned 10.
The one that I found alarming was the salt and light argument, it was really well addressed in Indoctrination the documentary. I do have alot compassion for those who are argumentative and defensive especially without the copious amounts of research we do as homeschoolers not to mention prayer. I pray for them unceasingly is all I can do. I know for me I am being obedient to God for our family and no form of questioning by anyone will change my heart.
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Thank you for calling out that argument so beautifully. I really love how you reminded “Bob” that schools obviously wish they could shelter kids from those things 🙂 True enough. It is an absurd argument. I recently realized that certain family members who are really against our homeschooling seem to think that we are “sheltering” our kids from diversity — which is truly absurd. As I have mentioned, since my kids are out in the world, they actually experience more diversity – they interact with all ages, ability levels, ethnicities, etc…throughout the day. Thank you for speaking up.
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I agree wholeheartedly with the idea of exposing children to negative, sometimes dangerous “worldly” things such as drugs, alcohol, violence, etc. And more importantly, more minor difficulties such as bullying, cliques, popularity versus being unpopular, etc.
Sheltered kids are not happy people. My childhood was, at the time, pleasant and felt safe. But as I grew older, and became more aware of things in life, I began to get scared. It dawned on me at some point, while living with my mother isolated in our apartment and seeing only elderly neighbors, that *GASP!* I would one day be expected to get my GED, get hired somewhere and hold a job, pay bills, drive a car, take care of my own apartment or home, etc. I was terrified!! I thankfully was never suicidal but as a teen I sincerely did not want to go on. It was atrocious.
And then, my first job. I was not used to receiving attitude or having others be unfriendly or rude to me. I was not used to having to deal with any adversity, superiors correcting me on things (sorry parents do not count-it is very different to have to answer to a teacher or boss than to your mom!) and overall I just was not used to LIFE!
When it comes down to it, no you don’t want to thrust your child into a violent dangerous school situation (or situation anywhere for that matter) but the idea is that kids should be exposed to these things and taught right from wrong. They should be able to attend school and have the knowledge of illegal substances or gangs or theft or bullying, but to know what the smart choices are. And for those who make the bad choices, hopefully they will learn from them.
My son is 18 months old, and while I want him to take the high road someday when he is older, and be a good, responsible, smart capable boy, I want him to achieve these things because he chose to, not because I isolated and sheltered him and therefore he is afraid to ever take a risk or make a bad choice. Sheltering someone will never teach them anything.
Erin, thank you for your great comment! You are right, kids can’t, and shouldn’t be wrapped in bubble tape. No one is arguing that children should be completely isolated from all danger, only they should be shelter from it until they are ready to handle it. I do not believe that young children are ready to handle drugs, sex and violence.
Besides that, the best way to handle illegal drugs, illicit sex, and gang violence is to avoid them. That is what mature adults do. They stay away from strip clubs, and gang infested parts of town, and people addicted to drugs. Unfortunately, school children do not have that option. Children are trapped in school. There is no escaping or avoiding their tormentors!
Thanks again for the comment.
I am sorry but you are both ridiculous, with illogical arguments. Please re-read your argument to “Bob”. You homeschool because you don’t want your kids exposed to sex, drugs or bullies, yet you argue that the schools have no tolerance for those things? Your logic baffles me. So you believe that by keeping your kids home they will not be exposed to sex, drugs or bullies. But you also believe that despite the schools no tolerance to those things they will still indeed be exposed at school. Bullies are in every facucet of life, at every age. The best you can give your kids is strong boundaries & the ability to not allow bullying to get to them. Read Townsend & Clouds “Bounderies for Kids”. As far as sex & drugs-when does that start? Middle school? So you believe by not allowing peers to expose your kids to sex & drugs you are protecting them from doing sex & drugs. Eeek! You must think very poorly of your kids’ decision making skills and you must have a very poor relationship with your children. Honestly, I would worry less about peer exposure & more about the type of adult you are molding. Exposure doesn’t make someone do something. You are doing your kids a disservice, not because you are homeschooling, but because you do not trust them nor have you given them the tools to resist peer pressure. If you had you would not feet it so much.
Hsubzero, is your real name Bob?!
I took your advice and re-read the argument, and found our logic is sound. The fact that schools have a zero tolerance policy for sex, drugs and alcohol just means that even the schools agree with me, not you; that exposing children to sex, drugs and alcohol is harmful for them! And while I commend schools for having such a policy, they are either unwilling or unable to enforce it! That is why I recommend homeschooling!
It is also a very calloused thing to tell children being tormented by violent bullies to just ignore them. I have never actually seen that work. How do you ignore someone who is pounding your face?
Thank you for your comment.
When I am “accused” of sheltering my children I always respond, “What are you going to accuse me of next, feeding and clothing them?”
I was homeschooled until 4th grade. I’m pretty sure I loved it, and I was super excited to go to regular school in 4th (packed my backpack full of my collections and things I didn’t need to bring haha). I had a hard time since I have always been the ‘fat kid’, but I didn’t let it get to me. I usually friended the fat kids or just the people who were nice. I was always a very nice girl, still consider myself to be. However, as far as the sex and drugs go, while in HS EVERY single graduating class (sometimes before senior year) had a pregnant girl or a girl with a baby. I myself was one of them. And half of every class (at least) were into smoking pot. I only did that a handful of times, because I preferred to drink. I was a good student, got good grades and was not a bad person. But being around kids (or being exposed to it) gives you more of a reason to try those things because your friends are doing it. I agree with the comment that you are ‘trapped’ in school. Who else are you going to hang out with?? You have no other choice of friends to hang out with, so most likely you are going to try those things to fit in with others. I am homeschooling my children (son in 1st, daughter starting kinder) and I am doing it so I can keep God included, so we can teach them right from wrong the way we think (politically, socially and religiously). I do not ‘shelter’ my children from all harm. They make friends when we travel and a lot of times my kids are prime targets for getting beat up! (3 and 4 year old style, I’m not just letting my kids get pounded). They are nice kids and know how to get along with others. I don’t worry about socializing them, because they have shown that they know how to make friends all over. Sex, drugs and bullies are everywhere of course, but it is up to us as parents to keep our kids from those things and help them to deal with those things if and when they are an issue. And on the flipside of that, parents usually don’t have a clue when the kids at school are using drugs or having sex, because “we” did it in private and the teachers obviously don’t know why we ditched class. *And to give myself a pat on the back, the one and only guy I snuck off with is now my husband and the father of those children mentioned* 🙂
This was great! I loved it.
I do not think there is anything wrong with homeschooling. However, I have encountered adults that are too naïve for their own good. I knew a young woman during my junior year of college. She was 22, two years older than I was. Due to her being very naïve, she often acted childishly and had little to no understanding of the real world.
People who are innocent are often taken advantage of. Of course you shouldn’t expose a 5 year old to sex, drugs, and bullying. But, an adult child needs to know how to deal with the real world so they don’t get taken advantage of by people they encounter in college or at work.