Homeschoolers are always looking for new outlets to “socialize” their children. In fact, I would say it is nearly universally accepted that children are best socialized at school and that homeschoolers are at a disadvantage. This is a central argument against homeschooling and one that many homeschoolers seem to accept. Instead of refuting the dogmatic assertion that schools are Mecca’s of socialization, homeschoolers are quick to point out all the ways that they have compensated for this natural disadvantage.
They say things like, “Well, we have Johnny in soccer and Sue is in Girl Scouts, and they are both very involved in youth group.” From all we hear of it, we might imagine that before modern schools came into existence in the 1800’s, people were savages! How could they even speak to each other? How could they bare to look at one another, without feeling extremely uneasy. Yes, I suppose a world without public education could be described in two words – socially awkward!
This of course, is not the case. In fact, I feel that it could easily be argued that school creates the “socially awkward.” However, without going into all that, I just want parents to look passed the dogmatic argument and apply reason. So, lets examine the school model.
In school, our children are socialized by other children the exact same age – called age segregated socialization. They are made to sit at a desk all day and are not allowed to talk unless given permission by their teacher, or at recess for elementary students. They are exposed to children from all different backgrounds at an early age when they are still very impressionable. And this, we are told is how to properly prepare children to socialize in the real world.
Homeschool Socialization vs Public School
Now, lets ask the how and why. How does a mob of immature children, encourage our children to socialize in a mature and professional manner? How does the extreme practice of age segregation, (only exposing children to people their own age and maturity), help children socialize in a world that is not age segregated? How does forcing children to sit silently for a greater part of the day, encourage social mingling?
Why should young impressionable children be exposed to children and strangers that have backgrounds and beliefs that are hostile to their own, at an age when they are still learning the difference between right and wrong? Why should children be locked in a classroom with other children that may torment or bully them? Why can’t children learn to socialize from their parents, siblings, Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles, and church?
These are all important questions that should be sufficiently answered before homeschoolers accept that age segregation and public schooling is the best means of socializing young children. As I will point out in later posts, the socializing that experts claim homeschoolers are missing out on, has little to do with learning how to interact with others.
I homeschooled both my children back when homeschooling was not popular matter a fact back then it was almost viewed if not criminal at least a form of child abuse as children were not put in the public arena and socialized with other children only their age. My two grown children have gone on to go to college and are now nestled in careers they love. I am now homeschooling my granddaughter whom I have custody of, amazing how different things are and how many options are now available, no more making worksheets by hand and using library books as the basis for a unit study. God Bless all of you in the homeschool world, you are doing a world a tremendous favor!
I like how you flip the viewpoint on its head! I agree completely! It is funny how homeschoolers try to defend themselves (Johnny is is soccer, etc.). Sometimes it’s easier to just do that when you don’t have the opportunity to actually sit down and have a reasonable discussion about what homeschooling really is. Thanks for the encouragement today!
Well said, Janine. The fact is that after we leave school we are never again grouped into age segregated groups. So even if you did agree that the best socialization for children takes place in schools, it would only benefit our children if they found some very unusual scenario where they continued to work and socialize post high school with only those born the same year as them. It just doesn’t make sense.
Great points. I always thought this question was ironic because it comes from the point of view that public school children are the model for well-adjusted, well-socialized children. I always felt that avoiding public school socialization was a good reason to home school. : )
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I agree with everything you wrote! This is the #1 argument I have had with friends, close family, and even complete strangers! Even our pediatrician seemed concerned about my oldest daughter, until I assured her that my girls do extra-curricular activities like dance and horse-back riding lessons (she literally breathed a sigh of relief and said “oh, good! She’s getting socialization then!). Every time I hear of friends or family whose children learn a bad behavior like biting, cursing, drug use, etc. I just think “Is THAT the socialization you were talking about?!?” Of course, I wouldn’t dare say that out loud, since bashing public school seems like a criminal offense, while bashing homeschooling is like a recreational sport. :/ Thanks for being honest and writing this post with truth and thoughtfulness! I enjoyed reading it!
P.S.: I did “share” this post on Facebook, but you don’t actually have a “share” button, just a “like” button (not as effective in reaching people’s newsfeeds). Just thought I’d mention it! 😀
I don’t think school socialization is that beneficial. I am still just as shy now, as I was when my mom dumped me in preschool.
Even in a small Christian school bullying can be a problem. Bullies often wait until the teacher’s back is turned to torment their peers. Teachers are limited in what they can do about an ill-behaved student. The children that a child may encounter in a classroom may come from immoral backgrounds. I know people who became teachers, that have mentioned having one or two bad behaved children in their classroom. When I asked if they talked to the children’s parents. They mentioned that the parents don’t care.
One of the biggest problems with school socialization is parents have no control over what types kids their children encounter in the classroom.
A school classroom is not a reflection of social situations a child may encounter as an adult. When people get jobs, they often work with people both above and below their age group.
I also think college socialization is overrated as well. Many colleges require students to live on campus the first year, under the idea that it will benefit them socially. However, living on campus can be a horrible experience for young adults. I have heard of students dealing with roommates whose moral beliefs oppose their own, roommates that steal their belongings, and other hostile situations. Living on campus doesn’t reflect life in the real world. I have the experience of being both a commuter student and living on campus. In my experience living at home and commuting back and forth to college was better. Despite the claim that living on campus helps mold a child into an adult, I found more opportunities to learn life skills living at home than on campus.