He quickly folded his hands, placed them in his lap, and looked very remorseful, but only for a moment. As soon as I looked back to the preacher, Jonathan rolled out of his seat and began crawling under the pews. That was the last straw. I chased him down, and we left church early.

This was not the first time I left a sermon early because my little Jonathan refused to control himself. But it was the first time that I wondered, if it was beyond the realm of possibility for a three-year-old to sit still and focus for a 45-minute service that was entirely beyond his understanding.

Maybe he was just too young, the service too long, and too boring. And then it occurred to me, maybe he just lacked training?

I lacked self-control until my sophomore year in high school. Then, I was sent to a boarding school in Virginia; a place called Fork Union Military Academy.

There, I, and many other boys just like me, learned self-control in just a few weeks. This amazed our parents, who had been working for years with teachers, principals, councilors, psychiatrists, psychologists, and sometimes even law enforcement; all which had failed to reform us. So, parents thought that our boarding school was working miracles; but we knew the school’s secret was no miracle.

Fork Union Military Academy simply put us all through self-control training.

How Do You Teach Kids Self Control

In the past, our parents and schools always told us to behave, but this was the first time we had been trained to behave. Our school used the same method that militaries have used for hundreds of years, to give soldiers discipline and self-control: the practice of coming to and maintaining attention.

To stand at attention, you must stand up straight, roll your shoulders back, head up, and chin slightly tucked. Put your heels together with toes spaced 45 degrees and clasp your hands at the seams of your pants. You look straight forward, and not just with your head, but also with your eyes. Your face must be void of all expression. You can’t move at all, not even to scratch. And you can’t talk.

You have probably seen soldiers standing at attention during formations or parades. It is not just some traditional display or ceremonial performance.

Fort Union Military Parade

The practice of maintaining attention was developed to take undisciplined, civil men and turn them into disciplined soldiers, with the self-control to tune out all the distractions and temptations of the world, in order to focus on the mission at hand.

In the military, self-control is a matter of life and death. Because war involves the ultimate terrors, pains, sorrow, and chaos, soldiers require the highest levels of self-control.

However, self-control is not only beneficial for soldiers in war. Children need it to learn how to read and write, clean their rooms, and sit through a boring church service.

And so, whenever any parent comes to me seeking advice for anything from teaching kids math or problems with picky-eaters, I always recommend that they start with self-control training, because once children have the ability to control themselves, the learning flows naturally.

A child who can sit still and focus when he is not being entertained, can learn anything he sets his mind to.

Master the art of training character!
Order the guide!

Self Control Game for Kids

That is how I helped my little Jonathan sit through church service. Instead of scolding him time and time again, I had him sit at our dining table for a simple game of attention.

At first, we set a timer for just one minute. We had Jonathan sit up straight, with his eyes forward and his hands at his side, without talking or fidgeting. He failed the first few times, but soon maintaining focus for a minute was too easy.

We made it fun by having his siblings make funny faces or loud noises to try and distract him. We bumped the time to two minutes, and so on, until little Jonathan could control himself as long as he needed.

Try It For A Child With Learning Issues

Many people think self-control is inherent, or tied to a child’s personality or maturity. So, when little children can’t focus on their school work, parents look for external solutions, like ways to make learning more fun, or they hirer special tutors, or even resort to medication, to help their kids focus.

But, self-control is largely a matter of training. The first time you go for a long run, you might get sick, and start cramping, and your muscles may feel like Jello, but there is nothing wrong with you. You don’t need a special coach or medicine, you just need to run more, to increase your body’s strength and endurance.

In the same way, children who can’t control themselves, often need more self-control training. How do you encourage self control in your children?

Check out more Character Development tips!

Get more tips on Parenting and Homeschooling

The post Increase Self Control in Your Kids with One Simple Game! first appeared on True Aim.

Have you ever wondered if it’s really all that important to read the Bible with your family?

Could it really be a part of God’s plan to study the Bible with your whole family?

Is it even possible to read the Bible with all your kids at the same time?

As homeschool parents, we do have the opportunity to spend our Bible time with all of our children at once. Not only does it make the process easier–it looks pretty biblical, as well.

Why Read and Study the Bible with Your Whole Family?

I always like to look to God’s original design when considering how we should function in our lives.

Just like God established the church, he established families—and he directs families to worship together.

In the Old Testament, as we see in Ezra, Nehemiah, and Joel, families are called to stand together for the public reading of God’s Word—even the smallest people.

While Ezra prayed and made confession, weeping and casting himself down before the house of God, a very great assembly of men, women, and children, gathered to him out of Israel, for the people wept bitterly. – Ezra 10:1, ESV

In Ezra, children were included in the assembly of the Lord.

And all the people gathered as one man into the square before the Water Gate. And they told Ezra the scribe to bring the Book of the Law of Moses that the Lord had commanded Israel. So Ezra the priest brought the Law before the assembly, both men and women and all who could understand what they heard, on the first day of the seventh month. And he read from it facing the square before the Water Gate from early morning until midday, in the presence of the men and the women and those who could understand. And the ears of all the people were attentive to the Book of the Law. – Nehemiah 8:1-3

The book of Nehemiah also describes children in the assembly, listening to the Book of the Law of Moses. Nehemiah 12:43 refers to children rejoicing with the people.

…gather the people.
Consecrate the congregation;
assemble the elders;
gather the children,
even nursing infants.
Let the bridegroom leave his room,
and the bride her chamber. – Joel 2:16, ESV

In Joel, the assembly even includes nursing infants.

Not only are we to worship our Lord together in the larger body of Christ. We are also called to worship God as a family. Deuteronomy chapters 6 and 11 have, perhaps, some of the best known, direct commands to do so.

Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. – Deuteronomy 6:4-9

Grab your FREE Bible Study Tool Kit–over 130 pages of Bible resources for your family!

Read the Bible with Family

• That God’s Word is important
• That we can learn about the Bible together, and from each other
• That our family has committed “as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” (Joshua 24:15b)

There is great value, too, in being able to guide our kids through the Bible. We want to be able to help point them—over and over again—to the gospel of Jesus Christ.

• It is so vital that our kids learn who God is—that he is sovereign and holy.
• They need to know that we are sinful and that our sin separates us from a holy and just God.
• We want to communicate over and over again that God loves us so much that he had a great plan for our salvation since before the beginning of the world, and Jesus—God the Son and the Son of God—became fully God and fully man so he could live a sinless life and take the punishment for our sins.
• We need only to believe on him and confess in with our mouths, turning from our sin—repenting—and we will be saved.
• We also want our kids to understand Jesus’ commands to his followers.

Not only can we study the Bible as a family, it is really important that we do. Our kids need our guidance and support understanding the most important book in the universe.

Danika Cooley’s book Help Your Kids Learn and Love the Bible is your crash course on teaching the Bible to your kids. Danika is an award-winning children’s author and Bible curriculum developer, and her popular Bible Road Trip is used by tens of thousands of families.

Learn more about Help Your Kids Learn and Love the Bible and grab your free 130-page Bible Study Tool Kit here.

The post Why Read and Study the Bible with Your Whole Family? first appeared on True Aim.

I know a lot of moms who feel stressed because well, I do and I refuse to believe that I’m the only one and almost every mom in my bible study says the same thing!

I don’t have this mom thing down pat, but I have come across of few gems over the years to help me deal with the stress, lighten my mental load, and be a little more patient with my kids. Today, I’d like to share five of those parenting gems with you!

Phone Alerts

Before I had kids, I felt like I remembered everything. Got a dentist appointment in two weeks? I remembered. Need to pick up eggs and milk on the way home from work? No problem. Bathroom gets cleaned on Saturday? Done. (or, if it didn’t get done it’s just because I hate cleaning bathrooms and ignored it on purpose!)

But, after I became a Mom……whew! I feel like I forget everything! I do use a To Do List, but that means I have to remember what to put on the list in the first place. And, I’ll just be honest, one of the things I’m bad at is cleaning because….well, I just don’t like to do it. So, I would make my To Do List and the thought of putting my cleaning tasks for the day on it wouldn’t even cross my mind.

Then, one day I thought, what if I put my cleaning schedule on my phone and make it remind me?! Genius.

So, now my phone reminds me three times a week to pick up the toys. Monday afternoons at 3pm it reminds me to vacuum. Thursday mornings at 10am? Bathroom cleaning time!

I went to my calendar and created an event. Then, named the event for whatever cleaning task I wanted to be reminded of. Enter the time you want to do the cleaning task and set a remind for the time of event. Then, set it to repeat weekly.

Here are the cleaning tasks that I have set in my phone to give you some ideas:

pick up toys

clean bathrooms

vacuum

dust

You can use your phone to remind you about things besides cleaning, too. Maybe you like to go to the gym for an exercise class, but always seem to miss the start time. Put a reminder on your phone for 1 hour before.

Are you a working mom who gets so busy in the evenings that you sometimes forget to get down on the floor and play or read with your kids? Set a reminder.

I know for myself, and a lot of moms, I think, we feel like we have to do it all ourselves. But, we don’t. Learn to use the resources you have to take a little bit of the mental load off and you just might feel a bit….lighter. I know I did.

How to Stop Yelling

I used to teach high school math. A lot of people say they could never teach high school. I loved my students. And I never yelled at them. I taught for six years and I think I yelled once and then I felt really bad later and apologized.

But, I when I had children of my own, I felt like all I did was yell at them! What is that?! I mean, I love them more than life itself and I couldn’t stop yelling at them.

I felt stressed out, so I yelled. And that made me feel more stressed out.

Then, one day I changed something and it really helped. I started singing to my kids when I was about to yell at them. I’m not talking Twinkle Twinkle Little Star here, I mean singing “Pleeeeease, go get your shooooooes on riiiiight nooooow”.

And you know what? They listened. In fact, they loved it! And I didn’t get mad. The singing actually helped me stay relaxed.

If you are a mom who feels like she yells at your kids all the time and you want to stop, try singing at them instead. You may feel silly at first, but I’d rather feel silly than mad and stressed out!

Overwhelmed Mom? Lower Your Bar

I love Pinterest. And I love Facebook. I’m a very visual person, so I love how Pinterest is basically like a visual Google. And I love Facebook because it lets me keep in touch with family from a far.

But, I don’t love the feeling that I get for a split second when I see a post of someone’s house and it’s perfectly clean. Or, if someone did something really cool with their kids and they had to prepare and plan and get supplies ready and I think “oh, I should do more things with my kids.” Those feelings are not good.

And I do plenty with my kids. In fact, we homeschool, I do stuff with my kids all day long! But, social media is great at making moms feel like they have to meet this high jump record for motherhood.

Well, you don’t.

It’s time to lower the bar. The bar for housework. The bar for meal prep. The bar for parenting. Lower them all.

Now, I don’t mean for you to just sit on the couch and scroll social media all day while your kids watch TV.

No.

But, it is time for moms to realize that you have kids at home, so your house isn’t going to be perfect. You don’t have time to clean all day, every day.

You’re busy being a fantastic Mom, so dinner isn’t always going to be perfect.

And, you don’t have to play with your kids all day every day. In fact, research shows that it’s better if you let them play on their own a portion of the time.

So, ditch that feeling like your life has to be social media perfect all the time. You’ll feel a lot better.

Overwhelmed Mom, You Are Not an Island

You love being a mom, but you hate feeling like a maid.

When you’re kids were little, you did have to do everything for them. But, somehow, as they got a little older…..you kept doing everything for them!

It’s such an easy trap to get into. I only recently realized that I was just doing a lot of things that my kids could be doing either 1) for themselves or 2) to help around the house.

For some reason, a lot of moms have trouble making that transition from “they need us to do everything” to “they can do a lot of things”. I definitely did.

But, recently, I have made the intentional effort to ask my kids (and husband) to do more. My kids are 7, almost 5, and almost 3, and here are something things I have delegated…for the most part:

Feeding the dog...we made a schedule and each girl gets two days a week and Mom/Dad get one. Even my toddler can do this.

Putting clothes away…I fold them and they put them away. This required me to accept that their dressers might not be organized exactly how I would do it (as in, everything is crammed into one drawer), but I have faith they will grow into it.

Putting dirty dishes in the dishwasher…I used to pick up everyone’s dirty dishes from the table and put them in the dishwasher. I still sometimes get them, but I also say “girls, get your plates and put them in the dishwasher”. This took a little training just to show them where their plates go, etc, but well worth it. The other day we were at a friend’s house and my toddler had some water and then said “where your dishwasher?” Definitely a proud mom moment there!

Cleaning…when I was growing up, our Dad made me and my two brothers clean a bathroom once a week. And he would inspect it. I hated it, but I learned to clean. Apparently it stemmed from his college roommate not even knowing that you needed to clean a bathroom…”when I’m a parent….”. My girls aren’t doing full house cleaning (yet), but they have started helping in the bathrooms and dusting. I use Seventh Generation cleaning wipes and they help wipe down counters and toilets. I use Ecloths for the mirrors and they help with that. For dusting, they each get a microfiber cloth and go to town on the bookshelves, etc.

If your kids aren’t helping around the house, a simple way to get started is to just ask them to do something instead of you doing it.

For example, you bend down to pick up the basket of toys that are spread all over the kitchen floor….again….but, instead of picking them up, you stand back up and say “Susiiiiie, come put these toys back in the basket when you’re done X”. Then, it gets done and you didn’t do it!

It might take a while to get in the habit of delegating things a bit more, but you’ll get the hang of it, and you’ll be happy you did.

Shrink Your List

Whenever I start a To Do List, I can feel my motivation to be productive increase. Writing that list gives me the feeling like I’m going to be productive today! and then, at the end of the day, I’ve crossed off about two things and my feeling of motivation and optimism morph into feelings of disappointment.

This ever happen to you?

But, you know what? There were 20 things on my To Do List. There’s no way I was going to get it all done. The moment I started writing that list, I was setting myself up for failure.

Why?

Because my expectations for how much I can actually get done in a day were unrealistic.

One simple way to release a little bit of that overwhelming feeling of motherhood is to simply expect to get less done.

If you are an overwhelmed mom and your list for most days has 15-20 things and you’ve got a crowd of little ones following you around all day, there’s no way you’re going to get all those tasks completed.

I once read that your To Do List for the day should fit on a sticky note. If it’s any longer than that, you are setting your self up for failure and disappointment because you won’t be able to cross off all your tasks and that leads to feeling like you didn’t get anything done.

But, if you keep your list to, say, five tasks, then you have a much better chance of getting them checked off. And there is just something about crossing those chores off your list that motivates you to get the other things done.

If you often feel like you “got nothing done today”, then I encourage you to keep a (very short) To Do List and cross the tasks off as they are completed. You’ll be surprised how much you can actually get done.

Slow and Steady

There are some good, meaty ideas here. I suggest you pick one or two and try and work them into your daily routine. Once that habit has become, well, a habit, add something else in.

And don’t expect perfection. You are a busy mom with a busy house. It’s not going to be spotless or clutter free all the time. But, it can be better. And you can feel lighter.

I hope you enjoyed these ideas and you find them useful. Do you have other tips for busy moms to feel less overwhelmed and more organized during their days? I’d love to hear about them in the comments!

Check out 30 More tips to be a Better Parent!

Surya is the wife to a wonderful lover of the outdoors and mother to three princess wannabes. You can find her at The Busy Mom Club where she shares homeschooling and parenting advice in between getting her kids a snack.

The post 5 Tips for the Overwhelmed Mom in Us All first appeared on True Aim.

How to Inspire Creativity in Your Kids

Ditch the Tech

Technology is essential in homeschooling, but sometimes it can hinder creativity. Limiting screen time is a surefire way to encourage your children to be more creative. In addition to allowing your kids to think more freely without endless knowledge and entertainment at their fingertips, instilling screen time limits will also encourage your kids to play freely and use their imagination on a more regular basis.

Make a Mess

Creativity is often messy, so encouraging your kids to make a mess is another simple way to help them be more creative. Whether you pull out the finger paints during art time or conduct a messy science experiment, having a little messy fun once in a while is an easy way to encourage creativity. In addition to allowing your kids to use their imagination, allowing your kids to make a mess once in a while can be a freeing way to encourage your kid’s creativity.

Read Every Day

Books are an easy way to introduce your kids to new places and interesting people, making it simple for them to think creatively on a regular basis. Reading is a great way to help your kids use their imagination to visualize the characters and events in the stories, on top of helping your kids expand their mindset for future creative play.

Inspire Creativity in your Kids – Allow Mistakes

Giving your kids the chance to make mistakes will help them hone their creative thinking skills and allow them to let their imagination run freely. Temper your expectations on your kids’ artwork and craft projects and praise their efforts over perfection. On top of allowing mistakes, it’s also important to give your kids creative latitude. Whether they enjoy drawing purple dogs or painting the sky green, allowing
your kids to create with their imagination is a simple way to encourage their creativity.

Give Them Space

Make it easy for your kids to be creative by providing them with a space especially designed for creative play. Stock the space with everything your kids need to be creative, including paint, crayons, markers, paper, scissors, pipe cleaners, beads, and any other craft supplies your kids enjoy using. Then, make sure the space is easily accessible so your kids can use it any time they feel a creative urge.

Childhood passes by so quickly, as we all know. Give your kids a chance now to exercise their creativity in positive ways so that they can grow up with a lifelong love of learning and ability to think creatively. God created us to follow His example and also be creative, so don’t be afraid to express that and let your kids have fun with it!

Check out all more parenting ideas here!

Sara is a homeschooling mom of three girls. She writes at Heart and Soul Homeschooling, sharing ideas for learning that encourage creativity, curiosity, character, and connection. She is an author, speaker, and homeschool consultant. You can find her on Pinterest, Facebook, Twitter, and her Amazon author page.

The post 5 Ways to Inspire Creativity in Your Kids first appeared on True Aim.

In a world filled with external risks, it can be easy to overlook emotional landmines we might be setting in our relationships with our kids. But at a time when youth suicide is a growing problem, we absolutely must get a handle on the pressure that is bearing down on our kids. Unfortunately, our expectations can become dangerous weapons that hurt our children, ourselves, and our entire families.

There are two ways we can get off track—and one place we can turn when we’ve lost our way on this parenting journey.

When parents expect too much – UNFULFILLED DREAMS

I’ll never forget the moment I held my firstborn baby in my arms. It was magical. I remember rocking her in the middle of the night when she was two days old, unable to imagine a time when we would disagree. By the time she was five days old, she had a preferred direction for feeding and had to learn that life would not always work as she desired.

As parents, we spend nearly two decades (or more) aligning our children’s expectations with reality. From convincing a toddler that wearing clothes is essential to teaching a teen about relationships and taxes, we have our work cut out. And when we’re in the messy middle of trying to mold and shape our children into functioning members of society, we tend to develop a vision of what parenting success looks like.

If we’re not careful, that vision will be built around our own dreams, ambitions, and fears.

It’s natural to want our children to have everything we didn’t—and to shield them from the pain we’ve experienced in life—but the pressure to do more and be better can hurt our children more than it helps them. As parents, we should not only be authorities in our children’s lives telling them what they should do—we need to become authorities on our children.

We should know who they are as individuals so we can help them recognize their unique value. This is more important than ever in a world almost overwhelmed by unhealthy levels of comparison.

In order to be the parents our children need we have to make sure we aren’t pressuring them to become what we wish we were. Instead, we must replace our preconceived notions about what their futures will hold with a healthy curiosity about what surprises God has in store for them (and us).

When parents expect too much – MISTAKEN IDENTITY

Another place where we get tangled up is when we know the job we’re doing as parents will be measured by the behavior of our children.

If I were to let my brood of five under the age of eight loose to run wild in a public place, you would—and should—judge me. But it’s also important to keep in mind that there’s a difference between good parenting and Godly parenting. We should all try to be good parents in a practical way, but the behavior of our children should never become a measure of our value as people. This is easy to know in theory, but much harder to apply in reality.

No matter how difficult the early years may feel, I’m convinced the hardest part of parenting is yet to come. When they’re little, I’m keeping busy with the hard work of providing the foundation they’ll need in the future. Once they grow up, it’s up to them to decide how they will live.

Sometimes I have friends who are excellent parents agonizing over whether their children will make the right choices. I have one question for them: “Do you think you’re going to do a better job of parenting than God?” In the Bible we see God’s people turn away from him repeatedly. He was faithful, but they still made poor choices. What’s incredible is that an all-powerful God would refrain from making them behave.

Instead, He gave them free-will—the opportunity to enter into a real relationship with Him. In other words, He chose love over control.

I am convinced that God wants us to do the same. It may not look that different on the surface, but our kids will know the difference when we’re parenting out of love rather than with our focus on what other people will think of us.

GRACE FOR THE JOURNEY

Sometimes keeping our expectations in check can seem difficult—especially when our perspective is based on a solid foundation. As a Christian parent your theme verse for parenting might be Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.” I believe that is the absolute truth. I also believe, in some cases, entire novels could be written about that period of time before “when he is old.” (There is a reason the parable about the prodigal son is included in the Bible.)

Whether your children stray far from what you want for them or cling to the values you raised them with, you can expect one thing for sure: you and your children will mess up at times. You will fall short. And you’ll all need forgiveness and grace.

Thankfully, we have a God who was not only willing to allow us to make our own choices—He also loves us enough to have made the sacrifice necessary to wipe away the ugliness of our sins. In the end, sharing the beauty of having a humble heart, one willing to accept this give of grace, with our children will matter far more than any expectations we could have for them.

Check out 30 more Ideas to be a Better Parent!

Teri Capshaw is an author, former journalist, and homeschooling mom on a mission to help families thrive in an overstressed world. In her book Dying to Win she takes a big-picture look at factors pushing students too hard—and provides parents with practical strategies to ignite and inspire their children’s love of learning.

The post When Parents Expect too Much from Their Kids first appeared on True Aim.

A while back, in a set of unusual circumstances, my eight-year-old daughter gave me her parenting tips. It was interesting to see life from her perspective and to have some honest feedback on what she thinks is going well and what she would like to see more of.

Parenting Tips From a Child’s Perspective

First on her list was to keep calm. Yes, this can be very difficult, especially on trying days when nothing seems to be going right. However, it is great advice. Take a deep breath, hold it, and breath out slowly. And repeat. Remind yourself that you want to set a good example of how you want your children to act and react. It can be hard, but things always have a much better outcome when you are calm, when the oxygen reaches your brain, and you can think clearly.

Be supportive. Being a child and not feeling that you have the support of your parents puts you in a lonely and uncertain place. If parents aren’t supportive children may feel that they can do no right, and that sets them up for a lifetime of insecurity. Raising a child who is confident starts at home. Of course, you may not support everything they want to do, but choose your guiding words carefully and don’t put up barriers to stop their personal growth.

Give children the freedom of responsibilities. My daughter says that parents do not have to do it all. Give your children age-appropriate chores to do. My daughter recommends sweeping, cleaning the bathroom, and helping in the kitchen. Having children help in the kitchen can take more time and create a bigger mess to clean up, but in the long run it will teach them life skills. Working together to prepare meals also gives you the opportunity to chat and connect, which is important for both of you.

Parenting Tip: You Don’t Have To Do Everything

Finally, she says that parents do not have to do everything. Don’t let life and homeschooling overwhelm you. I know we all try to do our best in every area of life and child-raising, but today, more than ever, this is a near-impossible task for many parents with the multiple hats we wear daily. Working, side-hustles, extra-curricular activities, house work, home education, and other responsibilities, it hardly leaves time to breathe. Try not to stress about everything, pick a different area each day to focus on.

Get help if you are able (including from your significant other and your children). Don’t spread yourself too thin; reduce commitments whenever possible. I find that because home educators are home all day, people tend to think we’re sitting around bored and should have the perfect house and plenty of free time, which is totally not the case. Don’t fall into that trap; put your family first and say no to anything that you need to.

Parenting is a tough business, with long hours and no pay (in fact, we pay a lot for the privilege), and it’s most often a thankless task. But it is the most important job on earth; to raise happy, healthy, and confident children into adulthood. Focus on the positive, work on the negative, and learn as you go along, asking your children for their thoughts, too.

I challenge you to ask your children for their parenting tips and to share them in the comments so we can all learn together.

Check out 30 More Tips to be a Better Parent!

Crystal McClean is a Canadian homeschooling her family in Northern Ireland. Her family loves to learn about culture and they find it fun to do this by reading books, creating activities and recipes as well as attending cultural events when they can. When she isn’t home with her family she’ll be at the writing letters at library, taking photos at the local camera club, or counting wildlife along the loughshore with friends. You can learn more about their adventures at Castle View Academy or follow along via Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest and YouTube.

The post Parenting Tips from a Child’s Perspective first appeared on True Aim.

I thought that in the last five or so years, I’ve been making progress. And that my relationship with my mother has been improving.

Last spring, she was finally able to get a tourist visa, and my husband and I paid for her to come visit us for 10 days.

During the first 5 days of her visit, she put me through such an emotional roller-coaster that my husband insisted we send her back to Russia as soon as possible (and regardless of how expensive it was to exchange her ticket).

Those five days were enough to bring all of the bad stuff in our relationship to the surface with a vengeance. It’s been a year now, and I have barely written to my mother (and have not spoken to her at all).

5 Ways to Avoid Toxic Motherhood 

If you don’t want to find yourself in this kind of predicament as a mother, then make sure you don’t have these toxic qualities that have ruined my relationship with my mom.

1. Calling Your Kids Names

I remember many of the names my mother called me during the first 18 years of my life (before I left home to move to the United States). Some of the names were more hurtful than others; some were variations of Russian swear words that I would not be able to translate to English even if I wanted.

Each name called is like a brand, seared into my soul. Each name called glaring at me in the mirror… unshakable, reinforced by repetition.

Some name-calling is obvious—swear words, demeaning or degrading terms; but some name-calling is relatively mild and can easily slip off our tongues.

You might not flat-out call your kid “stupid,” but saying something like “What were you thinking?” in an accusing tone of voice might send the same message to your child.

Dear mother reading this, if you ever call your kid(s) names, please resolve right now to STOP this toxic habit!!!

2. Comparing with other kids

My mother often complained how so-and-so’s kid was so much better than me at school or sports or even at cleaning the house.

I don’t know if she thought it was some kind of weird motivation to get me to do better at those things… Maybe in a way, it even did.

I’m definitely an overachiever and very competitive. I ended up graduating from high school as a valedictorian and graduating from law school in the top 10% of my class.

However, I believe there are other more positive ways to cultivate the love of learning and pursuit of excellence in your kids that are not going to give your children unhealthy habits or make them resent you.

If you like to compare your kid(s) to other children who are better at doing something, please STOP this toxic habit!!!

3. Unfair with chores

I am all for teaching kids to help with various chores, but it has to be fair.

My mother would often expect me to clean the house. I usually did try to do my best. But she would inevitably come back to check my work after I was done and find something to complain about.

One day it might be that I did not wipe the tops of the baseboards… another day it might be that I did not dust the tops of the kitchen cabinets. Without asking me beforehand to do those things, I felt it was unfair to blame me for not doing them (after I generally did a decent job cleaning the house).

Another thing is that my mother loved parties. So, my parents would often have parties at our apartment. Unfortunately for me, those parties usually involved a lot of drinking, a huge mess in the kitchen, and all of the adults going to bed drunk without cleaning up.

In the mornings, my mother would get up hung-over and beyond cranky and yell at me for not cleaning up their party mess in the kitchen. I always felt that it was so unfair to be expected to clean up after their drunken parties.

If you’re unfair with your kids’ chores (expectations beyond kids’ age, arbitrary and changing standards), please stop and set the expectations and work together as a team to avoid breeding resentment.

4. Be a Better Mother – Avoid Projecting

As mothers, I think many of us get caught up thinking that our kids are a direct reflection of how good of parents we are.

When and where I grew up, the parent-teacher conferences were done in a public forum. Even though I was an A-student most of the time, my mother would always come home from these parent-teacher conferences unhappy. Her main complaint usually would be how embarrassed *she* was about something that the teacher mentioned about me.

It even got worse. After I graduated high school as a valedictorian, I applied to the Moscow State University. It was a weird deal in Russia that you could only apply to one university and only for a fall semester admission. The system was also very corrupt.

I’m smart, but I’m no genius. And unless you knew who to bribe, you had to be a genius to get admitted to a university the caliber of the Moscow State University. And so, I failed the admissions.

Picture from http://www.themoscowtimes.com

At the time, my dreams were crushed (and my ego too). We were in Moscow still when the rejection was made. We were staying with my great aunt. My mom had a fit. She was upset and yelling at me. She called me names, but the worst thing that stuck in my mind all these years was her saying: “How could I go back home and look people in the eye?”

Instead of recognizing my distress, instead of comforting my crushed spirit, she was concerned with her image. I did not get admitted to the Moscow State University, but it was her dreams and her ego that were really crushed that day.

Dear mama, please don’t base your dreams and your ego on your children’s accomplishments. Don’t worry about what people might think or say about you as a mother. Focus on supporting your children and comforting them when things don’t go their way. Show them you love them NO. MATTER. WHAT.

5. Guilt-Tripping

My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips! I know this is supposed to make you chuckle, but guilt-tripping is so toxic. And at times, I think all of us have been guilty of doing it to our loved ones.

My mother did a lot for me and sacrificed a lot; I have no doubt about that. But she would always love to remind me just how much she sacrificed, while trying to get me to do something. She loved, still loves, playing a martyr to get what she wants.

And that is the crux of guilt-tripping, making people you love feel guilty in order to get them to do something for you. Basically, it’s a form of psychological manipulation.

One of the worst examples of her guilt-tripping was a few years after I left Russia for the United States. My family has always been poor, so I would send them whatever money I could when they asked.

Often, these money requests came with some kind of a guilt-trip from my mother. She just loved painting pictures of horrible diseases and death to get me to send them money. One time, she wrote to me that my dad was ready to go dumpster-diving if I did not send the money. This was the worst image to me for some reason (more so than diseases and deaths).

In reality, all she had to do was ask. Not just for money, for anything else in my life that she got from me through guilt-tripping.

Dear mamas, your children most likely would be willing to do whatever you ask for without you having to guilt-trip them. If you get what you want by guilt-tripping, they will resent you in the end for it.

It’s hard to be a Better Mother

Since I grew up with all of these toxic behaviors, unfortunately, they are such familiar patters for me. So I have to work twice as hard to shake them off and not to repeat them as I mother my own children.

Are there other toxic behaviors that are threatening your motherhood? Leave a comment so we can brainstorm ways of how to overcome them.

Tatyana Gray is a homeschooling mother of two. She has walked away from a career as a lawyer to be a full-time wife and mother and has never looked back. She now writes about family, motherhood, and home education at her blog, TatyanaGray.com.

Check out 30 More Ways to be a Better Parent!

The post Be a Better Mother – 5 Ways to Avoid Toxic Motherhood first appeared on True Aim.

How to Build Character During a Difficult Time

Sometimes life events prove difficult for adults and must also be shared with our children; the way in which we do that can impact our children’s understanding and reactions. Tragedy or illness, particularly the declining or uncertain health of a loved one, is something that is an almost inevitable part of life, and can be difficult for children to comprehend.

When a family member or close friend becomes seriously ill, it is always a topic that needs to be thought through about whether to tell our children or not. Each family and situation is different, and the developmental stage of the children must also be taken into consideration. We don’t want our children to worry, but they are clever and will always know when we’re stressed. I believe it’s important to involve our children in a truthful and developmentally-appropriate way.

We want to protect our children from worry, but if the outcome isn’t as we’d hoped we cannot protect them from sorrow and pain. By telling our children someone they love is ill, we can help prepare them to come to terms with an undesirable outcome rather than it to be a colossal shock out of the blue. They will have time to think about what they’re feeling and ask questions. Don’t quash those queries from youngsters. They may catch you off guard, and if that happens, ask them to give you a few minutes to think of the best way to explain, and then do so. Creating a veil of secrecy and cover-ups does not set a good example and only helps to harbour the mystery surrounding life and death.

Building Support Systems

Children can be great support in times of stress, and we can teach them how to comfort others in ways that work for them. My son always knows just when I need a hug and will come running into the room unexpectedly and give me a big bear hug, which always puts a smile on my face. A kind hand on an arm, a smile, or even a wink can lift a person’s spirits.

Brainstorm with your children to come up with other ways in which they help both the person who is ill, as well as those around them. Often putting energy into being productive can help everyone feel a little better. What skills do they have that can be used in this situation? Can they help clean, run some errands, help cook meals, read a story, draw a picture, sing, say a prayer? Let your child come up with their own ideas, too, so they feel part of the process.

Building Character Through Honesty and Education

If it’s appropriate, help your children learn about what is happening, and what the doctors are doing to try to remedy the illness. If it’s trouble with the heart, then set up a biology class where they can learn about how the heart works and what has gone wrong with it. What will medications or surgery do? Involving children like this can help them feel more knowledgeable and less powerless. Perhaps this will be the event that sparks the determination to become a future doctor or scientist.

Hopefully everything will be okay and everyone can rejoice; that is always the desired outcome for any illness or tragedy. However, death is a part of life, and life’s only certainty. It isn’t something that anyone looks forward to, but the ways in which we teach our children to come to terms with it can help them now, as well as in the future.

How have you involved your children in difficult times? Share your experience in the comments and we can learn together.

View the full character building series here!

About the Author

Crystal McClean is a Canadian homeschooling her family in Northern Ireland. Her family loves to learn about culture and they find it fun to do this by reading books, creating activities and recipes as well as attending cultural events when they can. When she isn’t home with her family she’ll be at the writing letters at library, taking photos at the local camera club, or counting wildlife along the loughshore with friends. You can learn more about their adventures at Castle View Academy or follow along via Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest and YouTube.

The post How to Build Character in Kids During a Difficult Time first appeared on True Aim.

Luckily a friend came over with her 6 month old and I witnessed what I thought was a miracle. She laid him down for a nap in my daughter’s crib and he fell asleep without a sound.

What magic potion was this!? What was she giving this child? She was gracious enough to teach me her ways and my children became happy nappers as well, all 6 of them!

Throughout motherhood, I have seen the priceless value of other parents’ experiences and expertise bring little miracles to my life. Some advice I mimicked and other advice I tweaked to fit my parenting and homeschooling style.

That is why I’m excited to bring you a new series! The Mom’s Library parenting and homeschooling series!

The Mom’s Library Series

This is your go-to place for parenting and homeschooling advice from parents and grandparents across the country! Get reliable advice to help you navigate the journey and give you the tools you need to live your best life! Mom’s library will feature popular topics that you don’t want to miss!

Each month, our Mom’s Library bloggers and educators will help you find inspiration and resources you need as a parent or homeschooler! Tune in for stories, tips and tricks, free printables, and more!

In addition to these valuable resources, you can enter to win the monthly giveaway or join in LIVE during our Ask a Homeschooler session on Facebook!

If you’d like to be notified when these posts go live, fill out the form below or get messages via Facebook!

Follow the series on Pinterest by clicking here and following our Mom’s Library Board! Or use #momslibrary on IG!

If you’d like to learn more about how you can participate in the series as a contributor, please fill out an application here.

Mom’s Library Parenting and Homeschooling Series

You don’t have to scour the internet for great resources! Join us for the Mom’s Library Series! Check out our current monthly topics and leave a comment if you’d like us to cover a certain one!

Character Development Series

Summer Reading Series

5-Minute Parenting Tips

Homeschool Styles

We have an amazing lineup of parents, grandparents, educators and homeschooling moms who will be bringing you their experience and expertise! Look for posts starting every Tuesday and Thursday in April!

Remember to fill out the form above or click here to get messages via Facebook to get reminders!

The post The Parenting and Homeschooling Resource You’ve Been Looking For: Mom’s Library! first appeared on True Aim.

How To Talk About Bullying

Bullying is no joke and no child should have to deal with being bullied. Nevertheless, it does happen more frequently than many people would like to admit. The best way to prevent your child from becoming a victim is to teach her all you can about bullying. She needs to know what it is and what to do if she is a victim or if she sees someone else being bullied.

Explain what actions are considered bullying and that this type of behavior is unacceptable.

Kids need to know what it is before they can know how to respond to it. Bullying can be verbal or physical – both can have deadly consequences. With the rise of technology and social media, bullying has also creeped its way on social media and anonymous chat sites or apps.

Give your child instructions on how to deal with it if she should fall victim to a bully.

Explain that safety is the most important thing and that she/he should take steps to remove themselves from the situation as soon as possible and report the incident to a trusted adult.

Let your child know that you will support her for standing up to a bully that is picking on her or someone else. Let her know that you will be there for her to help deal with whatever happens.

Talk to your child about ways to discourage bullying.

I’ve personally found humor can deflect “mean girl” talk, if causing a scene by confrontation isn’t appropriate for the time. Switching the topic can also help, or if your child hears negative comments about another person, speaking positive comments can cause the bully to stop.

Talk to your child about the different ways to avoid becoming a victim.

For example, stay with your friends or near the adults instead of going off by yourself. Most bullies seek out kids that are alone because they make easier targets.

Is your child the bully?

Talk to your child about bullying others and make sure she understands that it’s not right and will not be tolerated. Growing a healthy sense of self-confidence and understanding that everyone is equal can help bullies. More often than not, kids treating others cruelly is a sign something else is going on in their lives!

Above all, make sure your child knows you are available to talk anytime she needs or wants to discuss her day. Initiate conversations by asking her how her day went, did she have a good time or was there any problems she would like to discuss. Showing an interest in her life will make it easier to talk about bullying along with some of the other problems kids face each day.

The post How To Talk About Bullying first appeared on True Aim.