I hadn’t had a sip of water or bite of food since breakfast. I felt sick and my legs ached. I wanted to head home, but I still had to catch the tail end of a Christmas party.

My wife had long since eaten and was playing card games when I entered. I practically crawled over to her, rubbing my temples trying to soothe a pounding headache.

Being that she loved me, had already eaten, and hadn’t just worked a twelve-hour shift, she innocently did the unthinkable; she offered to get me something eat. Luckily, no one heard her. But then, I did the unthinkable. In my delirium, I said, “Could you just get me a glass of water?”

Several women looked up from their game. One said, “Oh for heaven’s sake, get your own water!” Several chimed in, attacking me for such a wild and reckless display of chauvinism. Others surrounded my wife, explaining to her that she didn’t need to “serve” me, encouraging her to stand up to herself.

And I will never forget that last, oh-so-telling remark flung at me, “You should get HER a glass of water!”

This was only the beginning. There seems to be an endless stream of people who feel the need to champion equality. If they see my wife doing the dishes, they feel it is their duty to inquire whether I have done my half. When they catch my wife changing diapers, they feel it their right to know when was the last time I had changed a diaper. These constant insinuations that I am a chauvinist really just spur me on.

The hypocrisy doesn’t bother me. Never once has a person seen me mowing the lawn, or shoveling the snow, cleaning the chicken coop, moving furniture, fixing the fence, taking out the garbage, etc. and stopped to ask whether my wife had done her half. Apparently, equality means, I’m supposed to do ALL the man’s work, and half the woman’s work.

Oh, but excuse me, I just uttered a blasphemy! How dare I say WOMAN’S WORK! Is a man too good to change a diaper, or wash a dish?! Is he too proud to cook dinner or vacuum the floor?!

Of course, not. My wife does the woman’s work, because I am a gentleman and let her. She likes to cook, but doesn’t enjoy scrubbing toilets. So of course, I clean the bathrooms. She doesn’t mind diapers, but hates mowing the lawn. As it happens, I mow the lawn.

To be fair, it isn’t all about my wife. There are things that we both hate. For instance, we both hate washing the dishes and cleaning the chicken coop. In this case, my wife sacrificially does the dishes and I sacrificially clean the chicken coop. And when one of us is overloaded, the other steps in to pick up the slack. We are a team. And if my phrase, “woman’s work,” is ruining your sense of worth, then I can change it. I can call it “Janine’s work.” That way you don’t think I’m suggesting that ALL women should be forced to do the SAME work.

But remember, the reason some jobs became referred to as “woman’s work” and others “man’s work,” wasn’t due to scheming patriarchs, conspiring to make their wives miserable, but because it was work that most women, or most men, preferred. And if some of us still prefer it, why should we be bullied?

I’m not worried about myself, but please stop shaming my wife. She doesn’t need your feminism. She doesn’t need your protection. She doesn’t need your condescension. She is fully aware what century it is. She doesn’t need you to free her from a traditional gender role, only to force her into a non-traditional gender role. She is a grown woman, capable of making rational decisions with her husband.

Besides, as her husband, I care more about my wife’s wellbeing than all the feminists combined ever could!

The post My Wife does the Woman’s Work; Please Stop Shaming Her. first appeared on True Aim.

We love and understand each other far deeper than we did on our wedding day. The following marriage tips are what I have found to really make a difference in our family.

A lot of marriage advice seems to only teach you how to keep a smile on your face while you put a band-aid on your problems and hope for the best. That is not what I want as a wife or as a Christian woman.

I want my marriage to serve the greater purpose of glorifying God, and all the rest will come more naturally once priorities are in the right order and our eyes are on eternity. I want to really get to the heart of any issues that arise and prevent them in the first place. Here are 10 of my favorite tips that have made a difference in my own marriage.

Advice for Marriages That Will Last a Lifetime

Keep Jesus First and at the Center

Keep Jesus First and at the Center – This is more than the occasional prayer together before meals or bed. This means having an accountability to each other to be spending quality time with the Lord both together and separately. My husband and I especially love to worship together.

All problems (marriage or otherwise) seem smaller when placed in His capable hands. This intimacy with God helps marriage on so many levels. We are more humble, kind, forgiving, understanding, etc. with each other. When you are at peace and less stressed or worried about life’s problems, you are going to be more patient and less critical of your spouse. We are better spouses when we are walking closely with the Lord.

Maintain Your Original Friendship

One thing that most people love about the dating phase is having fun getting to know each other and becoming each other’s best friend. Well, don’t stop!

It is important to keep celebrating one another and laughing together. Here’s a fun fact – It is (nearly) impossible to be stressed and really laugh at the same time! I have found that when my husband and I laugh and have fun together, I appreciate and enjoy him so much more.

Don’t Serve Leftovers

I’m not talking about food here. I’m talking about you and your energy and attention. How do you feel when you can tell you are last on someone’s priority list? Not good. So, don’t give everyone and everything else your best only to offer your family what is left over.

A surefire way to grow apart from someone is to spend NO quality time together. Make sure you offer your best to your family. Part of this is learning to say no and live at a slower pace.

Steer Clear of Unrealistic Expectations

You need to protect your heart against unrealistic expectations. Remain mindful and cautious when reading romance novels or watching romantic movies. Love is not always romantic like that, especially after kids come along. It should still be at times, but that is not the purpose of marriage, nor should it be all that fulfills you.

Here is a great quote from Joy Forney – “Real romance is finding that one spot in the crook of his arm to snuggle into, that shared look over the dinner table when the kids are acting crazy, and the way he fixes the leaky sink when he is dog-tired after work.”

My husband stole my heart again when he got in the tub last week to give our newest baby her first bath. That’s real love from a real man.

Know Where Your Worth Comes From

Find your worth and security in the Lord. He is what gives us meaning, not our significant other. Finding your worth and fulfillment in another human being will only result in disappointment, not to mention the unfair pressure that it places on your spouse.

Don’t Compare

Do not compare your husband to other husbands. That is a pitfall that will only lead to self-pity, anger, criticism, envy, etc. Besides, you have no idea what another husband may be like behind closed doors, so in addition to it being wrong and detrimental, it is impossible to do accurately, which only hurts the situation further. We should be trying to better our own flaws rather than shining a light on our spouse’s anyway.

Love in Their Language

Ask the right questions to make sure you know how to best serve, love, and support your spouse. What means a lot to you may mean nothing to them, so make sure you are serving in their love language rather than your own. It is important to keep asking the right questions because the answers may change as your relationship grows.

Don’t Do Marriage Alone

You should have some form of accountability outside of your marriage. This can be an older Christian couple whom you respect or separate individuals (a woman for the wife and a man for the husband) whom you can share with and remain accountable to with struggles that may arise. However, this is not a free for all pass to complain about your spouse.

Always Speak Positively about Your Spouse

As tempting as it may be sometimes, never throw your spouse under the bus. It does no good to complain or speak negatively about your significant other to other people, especially in front of them. It is disrespectful and only feeds any problems you are having. Above all, this includes your children! Never undermine your husband or wife in front of your kids.

PRAYER

The most important and impactful thing you can do for your marriage and your spouse is pray for them! This is not meant to be a self-serving prayer checklist, but rather placing your spouse, their heart and mind, and their struggles at the Lord’s feet. Wives, check out the prayer section of a post I wrote on Encouraging Your Husband to get ideas and ways in which you can pray for your husband.

Nowhere in the Bible does it say that the purpose of marriage is to be happy or to feel fulfilled or complete. I desire to be happy and make my husband happy, but that comes naturally once our Biblical priorities are in order. If we are living how God wants us to, then marriage can be one of life’s greatest blessings!

Please comment below with some of your favorite marriage tips!

The post No Longer Newlyweds: Marriage Advice That Works! first appeared on True Aim.