Growing up all I ever wanted to be was a mother. I didn’t have any lofty career goals or plans after high school. I just wanted to be a mom.
I am blessed to have a mother that loves every part of her life. I knew I wanted to be like my mom in many ways, there were a few things that I was sure I would do differently, but I knew I wanted to be like her.
I dreamed that I would be a wife that loved her husband, a mother who adored her children and a woman whose home was always neat and clean. My children would love the Lord, be dressed well, behave properly and respectfully at all times and they would be the center of my world. I was certain that with the upbringing I had that all of this would be easy. I knew how to parent because I had watched my parents raise my little brothers.
Yet, somehow over the last 12 years of motherhood I’ve lost my way more than a time or two. I’ve forgotten the joy that merely the thought of being a mother brought to my mind and heart.
The Mother I Dreamed I’d Be Isn’t Me
Instead of becoming the mother I dreamed I would be, I’ve become overwhelmed with the huge undertaking this motherhood journey is at times. I’m too busy to ensure that my children are learning what respect truly is and why it’s so important to be respectful to everyone. I don’t take time to spend with my children often enough to ensure they know that they are two of the most important people in my world.
The mother I dreamed I would be isn’t who I’ve become. At times this truth saddens my heart because I know I could be a better mother. Then I am reminded that just as my children are growing and changing becoming the young man and young lady that God designed for them to be, I am still growing and changing too. God isn’t finished with me yet. He knew the mother He wanted me to become and is continuing to develop that mother in me.
While my motherhood journey doesn’t look anything like what I dreamed it would, I’m thankful that I didn’t become the mother I dreamed I would be.
I want my children to see my flaws and mistakes, my growth and my joys. I want them to see that it’s ok to fail and have to try again and again. I want my children to learn to never give up pursuing the person God has called you to be. I want them to know that just because you’re a grown up doesn’t mean you have it all together.
God knew that the mother I dreamed I would be isn’t the mother my children need. I’m grateful that He is still working on me to make me the mother that they need!
How is God making you the mother that He knew you should be?