Tell someone that you homeschool and you might get away with it. Tell them why, and you could be in for the fight of your life! Why is homeschooling so controversial? I discovered that it isn’t what I say, it’s what they hear!
I say: I homeschool my children.
They hear: My kids are too good for normal school.
I say: We want the Bible included in our kids’ daily lessons.
They hear: Non-homeschoolers are heathens!
I say: I can provide a better education at home.
They hear: Your kids are dumb!
I say: I’m concerned about school violence.
They hear: You threw your kids to the wolves!
I say: I’m worried about teen pregnancy.
They hear: Your daughter is a slut!
I say: I’m concerned about drug use.
They hear: Your son’s a doper.
I say: I think its a parent’s duty to raise their own children.
They hear: You’ve abandoned your kids.
Ultimately, I say: There are lots of great reasons to homeschool.
Ultimately, they hear: YOU ARE A BAD PARENT!!!
The miscommunication is easy because parents are so sensitive about their children. If we are not careful, this hostility can define our “homeschooling testimonials.”
As a result, some of us cower. We say things like, “homeschooling works for us,” as if we it is merely a preference – like picking a flavor of ice cream. This isn’t really true. Most of us feel that homeschooling is for everyone. Many feel it is the only Biblical option! On the other hand, some of us mount personal crusades, flaunting our children’s achievements and beating people with Bible verses!
At different times, for different reasons, I have done both – avoiding and condemning. Neither were very effective, and we must be very effective in these trying times.
The tide is turning in America. Yes, more people are choosing to homeschool, but just as many are calling to criminalize it (I think it is clear were this administration stands)! If our way of life is going to continue, we’ll have to become better homeschooling advocates.
We must have conviction, but not condemn. We must share, but not crusade. We must win friends, not arguments! We must care, before we make our case!
If we believe that most parents want what is best for their children, then we have to believe that most are pro-homeschooling too – even if they don’t know it yet. If we can condemn the schools, without condemning the parents and teachers who don’t know any better, I think we’ll see a lot more people opening up to homeschooling.
Always reassure other parents that you know how dearly they love their children, and that’s why you think that they should homeschool!
There is so much truth in this post. Win friends not arguments, I love it. Thank you.
Tara recently posted…Selfless Decision from a Selfish Heart
First, let me say, I think this article is great. You hit the nail on the head with what people actually hear you say in their head vs what you actually say to them. I too have struggled with how to answer our reasons for homeschooling without sounding like I am condemning someone else’s parenting decisions. I do disagree with your comment about homeschooling being for anyone. We are all different and God has a plan and a purpose for each one of us and while homeschooling may be His plan for some, it is not His plan for others. I think we all need to respect and accept each families decision and support one another in those decisions.
I so can identify with this. More so with relatives with kids my kids age then friends. We rarely get rude questions anymore as we have been homeschooling for over 7 years. But I do notice “the look” on most people’s faces (when we first meet them)when they hear that we are “HOMESCHOOLERS”.
I totally agree! Some parents were just not made to homeschool. That’s not to say that public school is the only or the best option, but I truly don’t believe that homeschool is right for everyone. Some parents lack the skills to be good teachers, whether it’s from having a deficient education themselves or from not having the right personality.
We complain about the cookie-cutter nature of schools, where every child is expected to do the same thing, achieve the same goals. Why expect that every parent should be able to homeschool?
I’ve had people harass my wife on why we homeschool, and tell her that she is wrong, and the kids will grow up (insert adjective here).
A few times I’ve had to step in and tell them if they want to argue about homeschool, they can argue with me. For some reason they stop arguing after that.
I think it’s important for us guys to stand to our wife’s defense, for I’ve seen they catch a lot of flack from our society.
OK, so, how?
How am I supposed to talk honestly when the other person has decided n advance to be defensive and offended?
Reassuring them that I know they love their children seems a little vague. Personally, I’m sick of people telling me why their kids are too good for homeschool. I didn’t ask.
My favorite is when a mom who was also a teacher in the public school said that I was ripping off the local schools because they weren’t getting the per pupil money for my child. I gently explained to her that not only did the schools still get my tax money but her kids benefitted because there was one less student to take the attention and resources from her children. When she wanted to know what I used for curriculum I couldn’t restrain myself. I told her that I just follow my child’s interests and we’d been in a ceramics making phase for awhile. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so catty and should have told the high school math teacher that my child actually loved math and would spend an entire day doing math.
With all due respect, I can only control what I say not what another person hears. I do not particularly worry about anything other than what I say because of this. But thanks for a article. It is interesting. God bless.
Correction: But thanks for a thought provoking article.
What you wrote as what the other person hears is probably pretty accurate given the responses they will shoot back! You stand there wondering, “Why would they ask/ say that? I didn’t say any such thing to them.”
I like your premise of “everyone homeschools”. It’s true. If you are a parent, you are a teacher to your children to some extent. Whether or not you teach them “everything they would learn in school” is beside the point. If your child “goes” to school (public or private), do you help them with homework? Do you cook with your children, teaching them about foods and measurements? Do you read with your child? You are their teacher! =)
My husband went to public school. He says that his Mom could have homeschooled him with all the time and energy she put into helping him and his brother learn and understand all the homework they had. =)