We are mothers, not referees! Yet, many mothers spend a good portion of their time jumping in and breaking an endless cycle of squabbling between their children. If this sounds like you, here is a method that, when combined with other traditional discipline methods, works like a charm! Use these four tips and your children will learn to get along in no time.
It takes two to tangle. I am surprised by how many parents forget this simply truth. If your children are constantly at each other’s throats, separate them and the fighting will immediately cease. Then, the trick is to keep them separated. Yes, simply keep them separated until they can’t bear it anymore, and then keep them separated a little longer. There is no set time that must pass. Or I should say, the required isolation time is different for all children. Some children will need a day apart and others a week or more. You will know it is time to reunite your children, because they will be begging for it.
Consistently Repeat. After your children are reunited they will get along, but it will likely be short lived. As soon as they start bickering again, immediately separate them – no warnings. Repeat the process a few more times and you should see some definite improvements.
Absence makes the Heart grow fonder. This eternal truth applies to all relationships, not just lovers. In these times of isolation, your children experience loneliness. Out of their loneliness they begin to miss and genuinely appreciate their siblings’ companionship. This helps foster a willingness, and then a desire, to get along.
Familiarity breeds contempt. This is another eternal truth that plagues all relationships. Once you have successfully reunited your children, make sure that they have time alone everyday. These alone times ensure that your children continue to appreciate the time that they have together. Also, children must learn to entertain themselves. Doing so, ensures that they feel comfortable disengaging and playing by themselves.
Hope these tips help. If you have any suggestions, whether you agree or disagree, we would love to hear from you!
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This is so true and I totally agree! This is a very informative post. This is my first time visiting your blog and I love it. You have tons of great parenting tips that I can use. keep up with the great work!
Separating helps mama get a bit of quiet as well. 🙂 Great tips, Janine!
oh my gosh! so true. i’m going to start doing this immediately! 🙂 thanks!
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These tips do help and can most likely be used in every homeschool everywhere since our children are always together. I can always tell when our girls have had enough of each other. However, on the regular…they get along phenomenally! It’s a blessing.
This is so true, especially for homeschoolers who can tend to be together all the time. Great ideas Janine!
Also, I saw something about Mom’s Library giveaway sponsors recently, but can’t find it now. Could you email it over to me or point me in the right direction? Thanks!
Interesting. I’ve been taught that if they aren’t getting along they need to stay together until they can work it out. I’ll have to give this some more thought. I hear your points too.
Jodi, you are so right. There are definitely two approaches and I have found that both are very effective. In fact, I was really close to having a two-part post and having the second part give the “tie ’em together” advice. Both have advantages and disadvantages. The one advantage of separation is that it helps children appreciate their time together. Also, it more closely reflects in the real world. In the real world, two people are rarely forced to socialize.
So, if one child is mistreating other children, those kids while simply avoid him and he will have no friends. This teaches children if they want someone to play with, they have to treat other kindly or they will simply have no friends. Oh the other hand, my husband has a great story from his high school days at a boarding school, where he was forced to stick it out with a roommate and they ended up being best friends.
So in short, yes, I think both approaches can work – depending on the situation. Thanks for commenting Jodi. Maybe I will do that “tie ’em together” post after all.
Just speaking from my personal experience, staying together did NOT work for my sister and I. We’re only 13 months apart and we not only shared a bedroom, but we even slept in the same bed. We fought constantly and it drove my mother crazy. When we would get punished for fighting and made to sit down, she’d always have us sit right next to each other on the sofa, never on different chairs or in different rooms. We were never purposely separated for anything. And we never stopped fighting. Ever. To this day my sister and I (love each other fiercely but…) simply do not get along. We can’t even spend one day together without disagreeing or arguing or full-on yelling at each other. I think we desperately needed time apart and I think being purposely separated when we were younger would’ve done us a world of good.
That being said, I agree that both approaches can work depending on the particular situation. If the kids are already separate a good bit of the time but argue every time they’re together then the “tie ’em together” approach may be best. If the kids are constantly together as my sister and I were, I think some time apart is probably the best solution.
good tips. my kids often get “alone” time in their rooms. it also helps them to wind down and calm themselves.
How do you separate the kids for so long? Do you send one away?
No. My kids are still young so the longest I have separated them is one day. I just had them play alone. We still ate together and hung out as a family. The only difference is my two girls weren’t allowed to play with each other. They could even be in the same room, so long as they weren’t playing together.
I was wondering the same thing, so I’m glad you clarified here. Thanks for the helpful advice, Janine!
Very interesting theories! I’m going to put some of them to the test. 🙂 Thank you for sharing with the Clever Chicks Blog Hop this week!
Cheers,
Kathy Shea Mormino
The Chicken Chick
http://www.The-Chicken-Chick.com
I have a 3 yr old son (just wants to play with cars and wrestle) and a 10 year old daughter (just wants to listen to music, watch her Disney shows, and is getting boy crazy) — needless to say, they really don’t have anything in common, no interest in playing with eachother, and pretty much fight all the time. Separating them doesn’t even phase them. Any tips on how I can get them to get along??????
So true for all Reasons you give All three of our kids have been involved in sports their entire lives. For me it is the only time I love being a spectator. The incredible community that is shared standing or sitting shoulder to shoulder for years cheering on children, watching them grow, is beautiful.
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