More than 50% of marriages end in divorce and the percentage has just started to decline, but only because many people are finally dropping the facade and just shacking up.
In 1969 California passed the first “No-Fault” divorce law and the rest of the states followed suit. This gave Americans the idea that they had a right to divorce their spouses for any reason at all, and when I talk to people about their reasons for divorcing, that is just what I get, any-reason-at-all:
I don’t love him anymore, she doesn’t love me anymore, we aren’t the same people, he looked at pornography, she racked up tons of debt, he is lazy, she is fat, he is a slob, he’s too hard on the kids, she’s let herself go, he cares more about his work than me, she doesn’t want to work, he doesn’t go to Church, she is a “B-word”, he is abusive, she is an alcoholic, he is on drugs, she is in prison … you get the idea.
Now at this time I am not going to tell you what is or isn’t a good reason to divorce, or even say that you shouldn’t separate until these issues are resolved, I am just going to caution you from being too hasty.
Before you write off your marriage and divorce that unworthy spouse of yours, I want to remind you that marriage isn’t about a contract; it’s about a family. So put your reason for wanting a divorce to the Family-Test:
If your son didn’t appreciate you, would you divorce him? If you didn’t get along with your daughter, would you divorce her?
If your son looked at pornography, would you divorce him? If your daughter got fat and let herself go, would you divorce her?
If your son cared more about his friends than you, would you divorce him? If your daughter was an alcoholic, would you divorce her?
If your son went to prison, would you divorce him? If your daughter was verbally abusive, would you divorce her?
I know a mother who is actually much younger than she looks. She has two delinquent adult children. Both have been in and out of jail several times, for offenses ranging from drugs to grand theft auto.
The entire world would look at her offspring and find zero redeemable qualities. Yet somehow, despite all the abuse her children shower on her, this mother never gives up – fully convinced that her children are worth fighting for.
I think she’s a little crazy, and I tell her to stand up for herself, but she won’t hear it because, for better or worse, she loves them unconditionally. I can respect that. On the other hand, she’s been divorced several times because her husbands were “idiots” and they didn’t really appreciate her kids (my goodness, who could?).
For some reason divorcing our children isn’t even an option, is it? Because, for better or worse, they are ours and we love them. If we loved our spouses like this, for better or worse as we promised, divorce could not exist.
They may not deserve our love, but we swore an oath to give it just the same. In fact, if there was ever a case for divorce, it was between Christ and us. Yet, having committed every sin against Him, He stayed committed, even as it was costing Him His life.
May God bless and keep your marriage.
If you need help in your marriage, I highly recommend (affiliate link) Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas.
Yes I would divorce a child who was verbally and physically abusive towards me. In fact I’ve done it. Sometimes you have to say goodbye to save yourself, and everyone else. I pray for this child daily, but it is not safe for anyone else to be near them. And depending on what my child went to prison for, I may still love that child but there may need to be some distancing.
Unfortunately I think posts like this contribute to the abusiveness that can run rampant in the “patriarchal” movement in many churches today.
Actually, I did say that there might be a time to separate, but that doesn’t mean you give up on the person or the relationship. As you said, you still pray for your child, and I am assuming you would welcome them back with open arms if they were truly repentant and changed their ways, right?
Nope. Unless there is a miraculous healing from some serious mental health issues. Sometimes to save yourself and others you have to cut the rope, for lack of a better term.
VM Family Law says
Great content and ideas that everyone can follow through it. Divorce is hard but anyone can overcome it.
VM Family Law recently posted…From Marriage to Divorce: Understanding Family Court Divorce Proceedings